Unintended Love
by Layna Remi
Summary: Eddie and Jamie never meant to fall in love but they did and now Eddie is stuck in a waiting room imagining a life without the man that she fell in love with when it is forbidden. A series from the beginning of their partnership to the falling in love to the waiting room where Eddie fears the worst. (A bad summary but I promise the story is better than described).
1. My Salvation

I have missed all my blue bloods lovers and as a special request from Shanewz, I will be writing a new Eddie and Jamie story from before they liked each other to now when they obviously love each other ( I mean come on she said she needed him!) So please read, review, and let me know what you think, love always Layna.

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_**He was her Salvation, her might and she knew that no matter what he was always going to be there for her because they were partners and they had each other's backs. This had been proven over and over again, but what would she do without him, because right now that was a real possibility and it was terrifying. And now here in this waiting room she paced wringing her hands as she felt the blood still on her hands, the nightmare replaying in her head the outcome the same and it made her want to be physically ill. It made her stomach lurch when she thought about losing him, it was all too much, she just kept trying to push out the bad memories and picture all the good, everything she loved about him. His smile and his laugh, it made her heart flutter knowing that it was her jokes that caused it, they complimented each other in this forbidden love but she could not help it. He made her feel safe and loved in so many ways, in his arms it was as if nothing could break her, she never intended to fall in love with him it just happened. As one does she just grew accustom to being his partner and the longer they spent time together the more comfortable she became of being herself and it was amazing because since her father's arrest she blocked herself off. However, here he was Jamie Reagan the man who knew her so well, the man who held her at night, the man who had hidden this from his family because he wanted to be with her all the time. It was all going well and yet here she was waiting, waiting for anything because she knew he was dying and she knew it was her fault. **_

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Just a prolouge to the Story, I hope you like it, the inspiration was from the song "Salvation" by Gabrielle Aplin, a song about having someone there for you and knowing that you fell in love without even meaning too, I guess it just fits Jamie and Eddie's story, I am going to try to label all chapters with the song of inspiration. Please Review I know its short but should I go on? Love Layna


	2. On the Same Side

"Any Relation to the commissioner," She asked Sergeant Renzulli; today was her first day on the job and she was slightly nervous and now with this new TO she was a little more on edge.

"Yes, he is the youngest son of the Commissioner, one of my own protégés so I know he will teach you well." Tony smirked and held his head up high as he spoke to the rookie who gave him a humorous smile back. "He is waiting outside by the patrol car, middle height kid with light brown hair."

"Thank you Sarge," Eddie said as she turned to walk away.

"No problem Janko, and welcome to the force," She smiled and nodded, she was nervous yet excited to catch the perps out there roaming the streets. She pushed open the doors of the precinct and took in the NYC fall air, she took in a breath before walking down the stairs , shedding the nerves that she had before scanning the side walk and spotting the man she was looking for.

"Are you Reagan?"

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She was surprised when she met Jamie, his shock at his new partner was understandable, and with a nickname of Eddie, she knew it was going to cause some confusion. No she was shocked at his personality, she was expecting some hard ass, perfect police officer cut out who was stern with the rookie but she was turned for a loop when she met Jamie. He had joked a little here and there and she could see he was an exceptional cop but she kind of pictured him as strictly business.

Two weeks later she was on patrol and she found out why he wasn't always agreeing with the penal system. It was a slow day, they had called in for lunch, and she had suggested a small restaurant that one of her old college friends owned. Every time she worked with him he had ordered healthy, a funny thing to her because she preferred something greasy and filled with sodium, something that he often joked about.

"So Reagan, tell me something I don't know about you," She said as she sat down at the table the server showed them to.

"Like what?"

"Well like who you are, where you went to college, what it's like being the commissioner's son." He smiled at her, she was straightforward, and he liked that.

"Well I went to school at Harvard…"

"You went to Harvard, wow to be a cop that's great."

"Well I didn't plan to be a cop I wanted to be a lawyer, it was really my mother's dying wish for me not to be a cop, as you can see that didn't work out."

"What changed your mind, if you don't mind me asking," She said placing her menu down.

"Well I guess I just felt the calling, I mean I raked up a lot in student loans but I just knew the switch was for me, what about you what got you into being a cop."

"Well I had some family experience with cops and I just knew that I wanted to do that, help kick bad guy ass and do the right thing."

"Me too, though I guess with a family of cops minus my lawyer sister it was just something I was bred for."

"Yeah, your grandfather and father were and are commissioners that would lay heavily on my future."

"Yeah that's a curse and a blessing," He admitted.

"How so," She asked curiously.

"Well, when you are the Commissioners son you are going to be put under a microscope, you are expected to be perfect and that can be a little overwhelming, people just wait until you slip up."

"Well at the same time it must be nice to have the boss as your family."

"Yes but I know that if I get into trouble he won't bail me out, he taught me to learn from mistakes, I mean he will stand by me but he knows that if I do something stupid I shouldn't get special treatment." She nodded, that was a bit noble, she liked that the Commissioner was not going to show favoritism if Jamie turned though she could never see that happening.

"Hi, I'm Vanessa, what can I get for you today?"

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She saw that he wasn't gonna be bailed out when Jamie left a crime scene but she had admired his dedication to see that a little boy was safe and that he wouldn't view the police as heartless but then their partnership was tested only a few short weeks later when it was time for her rookie mistake. It was the first time she collared a perp on her own and he had used some brutal force to avoid her cuffing him but she finally handled it just caused a lot of problems.

He didn't talk to her about it, he was by the book but she was scared and she felt like he was leaving her in the time that she needed her partner there the most. She had just caused chaos in her career, she was being question and the possibility of her job being eliminated was causing her to question why she hadn't just waited for Jamie because now she regretted doing the right thing.

She felt crazy, she was right, that was her story and she was sticking to it but here she was being hounded to recant her story, they thought she was lying but she wasn't that was what happened. She had approached Jamie and he told her to just "keep your head down, mouth shut," but she wanted to talk. She was sitting here as her world came crashing down and them there was a knock on her door.

"Jamie, what are you doing here?" She asked in shock as she opened to the door to her absent partner. She could see the apologetic look in his eyes as he moved held out a pizza from Vinny's, she stepped aside and allowed him to enter.

"I came to say I'm sorry for being so pig headed, I'm your partner and I know you are just scared." She set the box on her counter top before moving to the small table next to the counter, they both sat.

"I just don't know what to do, I mean they are all making it seem like I'm lying at the DA's office but I swear that's my story, I just don't understand they say it doesn't match up."

"Your story is your Story Eddie, I can't really say much about it, I know this is scary, it isn't fun having the target on your back but I have been riding with you for while and I know you are a good cop. I'm sorry if it doesn't seem like I have your back because I do, that's what partners do."

"The Commissioner says that he will have a decision tomorrow and I'm terrified, I just don't want to lose this job, I have wanted this job for a long time," She looked down to her hands obviously distraught and Jamie knew he had to say something to reassure her.

"You know those family dinners I have, the ones you make fun of because of my 'perfect' family." She let out a short laugh and nodded still looking down. "My father seemed pretty adamant on his stance to your actions, even shared a similar story he had about his time on the beat, pissed off my sister but hey she will get over it." Eddie finally looked up at him and gave a weak smile, he returned it and for some reason she felt better when he did.

"Thanks Jamie, I really appreciate this, you really are talking me through this and I think I needed it."

"Eddie, as your partner I am always going to be by your side I know this time I wasn't as supportive but always know I'm rooting for you." She nodded again and he stood up. "Now how about some pizza, I'm starving."

"I don't think I have ever seen you eat this unhealthy before," She joked getting a sarcastic laugh out of him.

"Just because I don't inhale bacon cheeseburgers like you doesn't mean I don't like junk food."

"Funny Reagan I'm gonna remember that."

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She was free, they let her keep her job and just had extra training, she had worked her way to better herself and as a few months past she could see herself growing as a cop and Jamie did too. They had gotten into a few binds here and there; they were held up by a broken hearted man while they were undercover and then there was Jamie when he was accused of not identifying himself when he chased a perp while off duty but they stood by each other. She was glad that he was her partner, he was level headed when she wasn't and she in turn made sure she had his back, of course that's what partner's do…

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Sorry it's taken so long for an update but I had writers block, right now I'm just going through season four trying to establish the partnership story and how she has seen it. Please Review, I hope you like it Love ~Layna

This chapter was inspired by the James Morrison song, On the Same Side because as partners that's what you have to be, on the same side and always there for each other through thick and thin.


	3. Just a Kiss

How could she be so stupid, out of all the bad choices she had made this had to be up there on the list. She knew that Jamie probably felt the regret the minute they broke the kiss but somehow she couldn't help but feel that somehow she wanted it. Being with Jamie was probably her favorite part of her day, it was the time she looked forward to and occasionally after work, she would make plans and they would go out for drinks. This was just messing with her; she had so many pros but just as many cons that seemed to overpower her mind.

Why was Jamie Reagan so perfect, he was always there to pick her up when she was down and she could not help but feel like he was way too good for her… no she knew he was. He had been there when she was attacked; he stopped her from making the biggest mistake of her life. He was so pushy in fact and that had infuriated her, granted she was just confused and scared of the whole ordeal but even though she had yelled at him he had ignored her and helped her anyway. They both knew this was wrong but was it the alcohol or was it the pent up feelings they felt.

She slid down the wall, pulling her knees so close to her chest, how could she make another mistake like this, she was horrible at picking guys, always picking the worst but Jamie was a different kind of wrong. Jamie was off limits but he was better than any other guys she had been with, he was loyal and kind, he protected her, she always knew she was safe and he always stood up for her. But it was wrong, and she knew it so for now it was just a mistake and she would hold on to the feelings and hide them way.

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She could not help but smirk as she saw him squint at the daylight that surrounded them. They really had not talked much today instead they stood in line waiting for their breakfast to be finished; the silence killed her.

"You look rough Reagan," She smirked as she saw him squint slightly at the dull daylight. He obviously had a hangover and it was slightly amusing mostly because he was the more responsible one.

"Yeah well I don't know how you look so alright," He grumbled with a hint of sarcasm mixed in.

"Well I have the metabolism of a D1 football playing frat boy, hopefully the radio will be quiet today." They looked at each other but broke the gaze, the small talk was nothing but awkward. A few more glances and she was glad he brought it up.

"About last night…"

"I shouldn't have done that, I have the knack of going after the wrong kind of guys. Either they are off limits or just plain off." She shrugged, shivering as the cold air blew against her body seeping through her police issued winter jacket.

"If you work together long enough either you hate each other…"

"Or make out with each other on the side walk?" He watched, as he was a little lost for words so she ended the misery. "It was a crazy night," She said trying to justify the actions of last night's kiss.

"Hey it was gonna happen sooner or later."

"Well now it's out of our system."

"We will laugh about this for a long time." He smiled one of his awkward Reagan smile and she mirrored the action, the unspoken words still lingered in the air around them both knowing that what they had done was forbidden so instead they went on with their day.

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Everything was going great, they had put the even behind him and began to work at a normal level, soon Eddie had pushed her feelings aside and together her and Jamie spent the days joking again and talking about stupid stuff. It all seemed to be normal again and they finished off the year fine but not everything is what it seems because soon Jamie had begun acting different. He seemed overly protective, even more than usual and one day in particular gotten out of hand.

She was in control, she knew that as soon as they rolled up to the fight, they had to calm down the situation and that is just what she did. She tried to get the problem out in the open but there was just yelling so she tried to separate the two, which in turn ended with the man pushing her to the ground. That must have set Jamie off on something because he went after the man with excessive force in her opinion.

"Jamie!" She called to him as he watch him tackle the man to the ground, behind her she could hear Renzulli and his partner yelling "enough!" finally pulling Jamie away and talking the man and cuffing him. Eddie wasn't going to lie, in a way this whole situation made it look like she couldn't take care of herself and that made her a little aggravated so after they brought the man in and she put him into holding she approached Jamie about it.

"You just went off on that guy," She said irriated as they walked the precinct halls.

"What was I supposed to do?"

"You were supposed to let me handle it, you made it seem like I couldn't handle it." She could see his demeanor change like now he too was a little annoyed he was about to speak again but Renzulli cut his short by calling him to his office so while Jamie walked away she decided it best to simmer down a little.

Jamie walked out of the precinct a little flustered and she could tell that the talk with Renzulli wasn't a good one. She had since cooled off and was a little concerned, getting pulled into the bosses office was never a good thing.

"What did he want Jamie," She asked but he seemed to side step her and push by, the anger still in his eyes.

"Nothing," He huffed.

"Jamie, I'm sorry I yelled but I just don't understand why you did what you did."

"I gotta go Eddie, I'll see you tomorrow," She was let in shock, what had happened with Renzulli?


	4. You've Got Me

He never did tell her what Renzulli had said but she got the jus of it when he told her that he could not celebrate their one-year anniversary of working together and in the back of her mind she always knew. The feelings were there, she felt them too, and she knew the rules forbid this so as she imagined this was ten times harder for Jamie because of his family name. She knew the best way was to just ignore it and to act as if nothing happened.

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"Come on Reagan, you know this is something big to him, it was scary even for me." Eddie threw him a jacket from the chair. She had just finished giving her statement of what had happened to Danny and Baez and per Danny's orders; she was to "Keep an Eye on Harvard."

"I know I guess I'm just rattled," He said, he hissed as the jacket rub against his bandaged wound, it hurt like hell and worse yet because he was attacked

"And that's fine but you know Danny is just worried." She could see that he had heard the words but it was in one out ear out the other. Two more officers that they both knew entered and smiled at Jamie.

"Hey Jackson and Fintler," Jamie greeted the two men as they stood post at the door.

"Hey Reagan, Janko, Sarge called and said your apartment is ready, ready to go." Kennan Fintler announced as Jamie stood up. Eddie saw the confusion in his eyes obviously he thought she was going with him but Sarge had put her back on the beat with Walsh whose partner was out sick.

"Sorry Reagan, back on the beat but do me a favor try not to get blown up while you're on your mini vacation." She was half teasing but more so worried and she could tell that he had gotten the message.

"Fine but don't annoy Walsh too much and make sure you chew your food, don't just inhale!" He retorted back, she rolled her eyes and said her goodbyes, as soon as she exited the room the smile faded and she took a shaky breath, trying to calm herself.

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She had never been to Jamie's apartment before, there was never a reason before but she guessed this was as good a time as any. She looked around as he had excused himself to the bathroom. A wall of photos had pictures of Jamie and his family, a lot had pictures of vacation that he had told her about but others were of a younger Jamie.

"Do you like them," She nearly jumped out of her skin when he walked up behind her.

"Jesus Jamie, creep much," She put her hand to her chest, her heart beat so fast.

"Sorry," He grinned.

"And yes I do, I mean you were a cute baby, is that your mom?"

"Yeah," He gave a small smile as he looked at the picture of his mother holding him, sadness was etched in as he thought about her, even though she had been gone for while missing her was never going to go away.

"She is beautiful, Erin looks a lot like her and so do you, is this…"

"Yeah that's Joe," another sad smile surfaced so she switched to another picture.

"Oh my god, what is this picture?" She pointed of one with Danny, him, Jack and Sean. She had met Danny plenty of times but had never met the boys before.

"That was the vacation, the boys were pestering Danny and I to a sandcastle competition, as you can tell Danny and I clearly one." She looked at the irritated faces on the boys faces as Jamie and Danny stood next to a large sandcastle Mansion with gloating faces, of to the corner she could see that Linda was rolling her eyes.

"Looks fun," She said walking back to the couch and grabbing her phone.

"Who's that?" He asked trying to catch a glance at the text.

"Jake, he is bailing on me yet again tonight, I think I'm just going to give up on dating and live as a hermit."

"His loss Eddie, you'll find someone."

"Yeah right, I pick the worst guys."

"Well maybe you are a little…"

"Think wisely of your next few words or else I will help this dirt bag hide the evidence." Jamie laughed and shook his head.

"I should go back out, McKenna and Emerson should be back soon."

"Alright well thanks for keeping me company I'm going stir crazy and I think that I have started to convince myself that I need half the things they are selling on these infomercials."

"Don't do it we don't make enough as it is, waste your money on that and you will live on the streets and I'm not bailing you out of that one."

"Goodbye Eddie," He said ushering her to the Door.

"Stay Safe, Reagan."

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She was so late it was not even funny but she had to drop this dress off at the dry cleaners or else it would never be done. She fumbled through her purse, digging for her ringing phone while trying to hand the cleaner her dress and pay him.

"Hey Reagan," She answered.

"Where are you, roll call is in like five minutes."

"I had to drop a gown off at the cleaners."

"A gown wow, since when do you own something so fancy," She scoffed at his joke.

"Excuse me Reagan but I am allowed to have nice…" It happened so quickly, a hand wrapped around her mouth and another grabbed the wrist of the hand that her phone was in causing her to drop it. How had no one seen this, she fought against her attacker but somehow he got the upper hand and soon with a swift turn he hit her head into a wall temporarily knocking her out.

When she woke up she could tell that time had only lapsed by a few minutes but it was enough time for the assailant that she knew to be Russell Price, to bind her hands and feet with duct tape and wrap a strip around her head covering her mouth. She had been thrown into his car and he was now driving, calling his men to close the garage door behind him. She was pissed, she did not know what to do but try to yell though the barrier of the duct tape stopped it, he was annoyed enough though because he slammed on the brakes and sent her flying off the seat.

"Quiet back there, this will be over soon," but she wasn't done fighting, she whacked the back of his seat as best as she could. She wondered what was going to happen to her, she knew that Price had beaten his ex to death and there was no telling what was going to happen to her with him and a large group of his friends.

A sudden force slammed into the car and then another on the opposite side and the next few moment were a blur but it all cleared up when she heard his voice.

"I have her back her…Eddie," She felt Jamie cut the duct tape off her arms and as soon as he did she pull the piece on her face off. "Are you okay?" He asked as he cut off the tape from her feet.

"I'm a little Bumpy." She responded still Hazy from the whole ordeal.

"Okay well you need to stay there, help is on the way."

"No," She sat up and she heard his insisting that she listen to him but she wanted out so instead of fighting her, he took her hand and wrapped an arm around her waist and helped her out. He sat her down by the totaled police car, the second one in two weeks and he crouched beside her holding to her.

"Is everything okay over there," She heard Danny yell over to them.

"Yeah everything is okay," Jamie, said still clutching her hand and in the distance, she could hear Baez say, "I think their good." To which Danny replied, "Yeah they're okay," in a knowing sarcastic tone. The shock was still there, she could hear herself laugh in shock at the fact this was happening, and that someone had just tried to kill her, in the distance sirens blared growing stronger as they grew closer.

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Inspired by the Song "You've Got Me" by Gavin DeGraw

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	5. Arms

Hello All I am so glad that you are enjoying this story! I know right now it is just me going through the season but I am just trying to catch up and play off of the really good Jamko moments that have happened. Please Read and Review I really love the support ~Love Layna

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She stood over this man's body as a crimson puddle grew from underneath him. She was in shock she couldn't believe she just killed this man; She looked up to her partner and Andy who just stared at her shock, an almost disgusted look on his face as to tell her "what did you just do?" She felt the tears burn in her eyes as she just stood there with the smoking gun, watching her partner back away from her.

"You're a monster," She looked surprised at Jamie but the words didn't come from him nor did they come from Andy. She looked down at the perp, he had somehow come back to life, his skin was ash gray and the small trail of blood that trickled from his mouth only defined the ghost like look on the man.

"I didn't mean to," She tried to respond but her voice was shaky as the lump in her throat grew. She looked to Jamie who just shook his head. "I didn't mean too," She said again, she stepped towards Jamie who just took a step back.

"Please I'm sorry I didn't mean too, I didn't mean too, I'm so sorry!"

"Eddie, hey Eddie come on wake up," She was jolted from nightmare by the familiar voice. The place in the bed bedside her was pushed down by a new presence, she shot up and adjusted to the darkness. He heart beat so fast and she was so confused.

"Hey, Hey it's okay," She finally focused in on Jamie's face, his hushed tone, so calming as he sat beside her with a hand on her shoulder. The tears flooded her eyes again, as she just looked at him, she had almost forgotten that she had asked him to stay. She felt a little foolish but as she told him, she felt like she needed him.

"I can't get him out of my head."

"I know," He responded wrapping her in a tight embrace, letting her cry into him, the tears seeping through his shirt.

"When will this get better?"

"Soon but you're like this because you are a human being, and a good one at that Eddie, the good guy and killing someone is not easy at all."

"How long did it take you?" She asked wiping the tears from her eyes as she pulled away from him.

"Honestly it took me a few weeks to stop feeling so sick of it, I felt like this monster, and with me I felt like an idiot because I let this man con me into helping him commit suicide." She sat there in silence, she was not sure how to respond because their experience were the same yet so different. "Eddie I want to tell you I made a mistake when I went through this, I pushed everyone away. I pushed away my family and even Vinnie because I felt so absolutely terrible for what I did."

"I know I have been distant I just am having a hard time."

"You're allowed to Eddie, this is the hardest part of your career but if you push people away you are left alone and that is a dark place."

"I don't want to be alone in this but I don't have a family like you to have your back."

"But you do, all of our cop friends and you know I'm there or you Eddie, I am your partner you know." She nodded and hugged him once again looking over his shoulder to the clock, it was two in the morning, she had woken them up and when she pulled back, she could see that he was tired.

"Thanks Jamie, I really am glad you're here, I probably would be a blob on the bathroom floor," She joked.

"Ha, or a blob in front of the refrigerator," He joked; she hit him lightly but laughed. "Get some sleep Janko if you need me I'll be on the couch." That night she felt safe, she felt like it was going to be all right so that night she slept through the night.

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She was not cleared to go back on the beat until the following week because she was having a tough time. She had seen the shrink and that helped and Jamie was also a huge supporter but she was still trying to push past the image of Dylan Kent. The man that she had killed, she had found out the name and almost obsessed over him but Jamie kept telling her about his mistake and she realized she should not fall into that. And so, after a week of battling her emotions she put it to rest and made piece and was finally cleared for work.

It was a Tuesday, she was glad to be back and for everyone that waved and said hello to her she responded with excitement. Roll call came and she quickly ran to the room and squeezed herself beside Jamie and Kara Walsh giving him a quick smile, which he returned before turning his attention to Renzulli.

"Alright Ladies and Gents, we have a busy night planned for us tonight, a killer on the loose, he has killed three lawyers so keep an eye." Renzulli held up a drawing of a Hispanic male who looked anything but a killer. "The detective squad has asked us to keep a close eye on him and be careful we don't know how dangerous this guy is, now go out and do your jobs." They all filed out and Eddie walked it little faster to keep up with Jamie. She lost him when two officers stopped her to welcome her back but found him outside talking to another fellow officer, Jake Ragetti. She must have come just in time because she watched as Jake wave goodbye to Jamie and jog to his partner.

"Hey partner, welcome back," He smiled as she walked up.

"Hey, sorry I keep getting stopped by everyone, you ready for tour?"

"Yeah," He said rushing to the driver side to beat her to it, he won but she vowed it wasn't over.

"What do you have there?" Jamie had set two envelopes down by the drink holders, both a cream color white, one with his name the other with hers.

"Well one is for you they're from Ragetti, I think they are wedding invitations."

"Oh right, I forgot he was getting married in a few months, Vicki is a nice girl she had come by the bar a few times."

"Yeah, she is really great for Jake, well he was telling me that he is inviting a few of us, ones he is a little closer to so he said try not to spread the news too quick."

"Gottcha," replied as she slid open the invitations, they were beautiful as she expected, a cream-colored letter with beautiful navy blue lace trim with perfect calligraphy inviting them to "The Wedding of Victoria Rivers and Jacob Ragetti."

"Oh we have to go, I mean you and Jake were in the academy together and him and I he was the greatest partner I have ever had."

"Hey," Jamie scoffed with a laugh giving her a look of shock.

"Oh come on Reagan you know you will always be my first and favorite." He just rolled his eyes and pretended not to hear the "and he lets me drive," that she muttered under her breath.

"So isn't Danny on this case that Sarge is talking about?"

"Yeah and it has caused some Family fighting."

"Doesn't it always," She responded.

"Well Danny is on the case said that the Lawyers were part of a trial that put away an innocent man; that they were all in on it to throw the case."

"They were dirty, what did they gain from this?"

"Well the person they were protecting was another dirty lawyer and he is the last target."

"Oh is that who Sanchez and Carson are sitting on?"

"Yeah and believe me they are far from happy, its like when we had to watch Reed, but Danny is close."

"So why did this one cause a fight?"

"The innocent man was a cop," Jamie responded.

"Tucker Brooks?"

"Yeah so right now Danny isn't happy because I guess Brooks was killed in prison last week, and this killer was his brother seeking revenge. So revenge killing has got Danny feeling for the brother but Erin says that he is basically condoning this."

"Ahh, I get it but she knows that Danny wouldn't never do that, plus you have gone through something sort of like this."

"Yeah with Joe and we caught the guy but don't think it ran through our minds to beat the other cops in on it."

"Well hopefully we catch this guy today, no matter how hard it is to lose a cop you taught me on the first day that hurting or killing isn't going to bring him back."

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Thanks for reading please review I love to read the comments! Half this story is inspired by Arms by Christina Perri.


	6. Panic Cord

Hello Everyone sorry for the long time between this update, I have been working a lot and if it isn't that I'm sleeping, but I'm back and I'll try to be better about it. Please Read and Review Love Layna.

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**"Eddie," the frantic voice came from Erin, and she could see the horror on the lawyer's face. She jumped up from her chair and walked toward Erin trying to remain calm but the tears still stained her face. "Is he okay please tell me he is okay," Erin begged and Eddie knew that the validation was important because Joe was tough on them enough. **

**"I…I don't know no one has been in yet," She replied, obviously still in a little shock.**

**"Oh god, I cant do this again." Erin collapsed in a chair and leaned over trying her hardest not to hyperventilate. **

**"Have you called everyone?" Eddie had called Erin, Jamie had borrowed her phone the other day to call his sister and so the number was on hand.**

**"No, I got your call and rushed here, oh god the Family, what are they going to do, how am I going to tell them Jamie was shot?" Of course, now the news was out that an officer from the 12th had been critically injured and Eddie knew that if she looked Jamie's phone it would have an inbox full of all of the family members. **

**"Do you want me to call them?" Eddie asked quietly.**

**"I should, I'm just so afraid, I've been here before they have all been here before."**

**"I'll be here Erin, I can take over if you can't," Eddie sat down next to Erin and held out her hand which Erin greatly accepted before pulling out her phone and dialed a number. "**

**"Linda," Erin began and over the phone Eddie could hear the panicked voice of Danny's wife asking if she heard anything, asking if she knew if it was Jamie and when she finally stopped there was a long pause and Eddie could see that Erin was going to break down so she took the phone away.**

**"Linda, it's Eddie, listen we are at St. Victor's, it was Jamie you and Danny need to get here as soon as possible." Eddie could feel the lump in her throat and the tears well in her eyes as she delivered the news. After Linda had gotten off the phone Eddie hung up and handed the phone back to Erin who looked at her with so much fear and all Eddie could do was hold her hand and pray that he pulled through. **

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"Come on we are going to be late for work," She threw his shirt at his face as she herself quickly dressed, it had now been two months of secretly dating and it was going great, she had never been happier.

"Hey you are the one who slept in, not me," He said pulling her into a kiss. Maybe it was the thrill of hiding it or the fact that they had broken the barrier of tension between them but this was something they had both wanted. It had happened with a kiss after Ragetti's wedding on the way home and led to a late night together before they decided that this was what they needed to do, and as far as anyone, knowing Erin was the only one who had found out.

"Well we stayed up late, I mean come on it was your idea for a movie night." She walked to the bathroom and grabbed her toothbrush from the holder with him at her heels.

"True, well lucky for us after today we have three days off, how about dinner."

"Okay, where are we going?"

"How about Pane Vino," Jamie suggested.

"Oh fancy, that sounds okay, so after work will meet you there." She leaned over and kissed him softly, lingering in the moment for only a second longer before she walked out, grabbed her bag and left the apartment.

Dating Jamie was like a hard task, sneaking around was a thrill but at the same time she wished she could walk with him down the street hand and hand without the fear of being reprimanded. She did not know what pulled them together finally but she realized that he was good for her. They had formed this bond with each other, a friend ship but then Eddie learned how safe she felt with Jamie and that he was always there for her and that was something that she never had in a man. Jamie was sweet and kind and gave people the benefit of the doubt and she loved that about him, he could always calm her down and make sure that she realized just how amazing she was. Jamie was right for her and after a kiss shared at Ragetti's wedding, she realized that she could not keep her feelings bottled up.

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They had been dating for five months now and it was great even though they both hated the secrecy, she knew that he had made so many excuses with his family about his down time. Of course, he would tell her that more than once that Danny had showed his curious side because he was not easily fooled. However, in the end Erin was the one who caught them. It was a Saturday night after shift and both of them had decided that because of the horrible week they would order in and cozy up on the couch and watch an action movie that Danny had told Jamie to watch. The knock on the door was unexpected, happening in mid movie; Jamie had looked at her the same she looked back at him, with confusion. He paused the movie and made his way over looking out the glass look out before turning to her and looking at her panicked.

"It's Erin," He whispered. She had jumped off the couch and ran to the bathroom, leaving the door open a crack.

"Hey Erin, what are you doing here?" She could hear the nervousness in his voice and of course, she knew that with Erin being a lawyer she would pick it up.

"Nothing, I can't stop by to see my brother?" She watched as Erin walked into the living room looking from the table to the television before returning her gaze at Jamie.

"Is someone here, is that why you've been so mysterious lately?"

"Erin…"

"You have a girlfriend, Jamie why didn't you tell us!"

"Erin, I couldn't, no one else can find out," He almost demanded.

"Why Jamie," It took about three seconds for her to catch on, she looked around before looking at him in shock. "Is it Eddie?" He stayed silent and just looked at her as she clasped her hands over her mouth.

"Might as well come out Eddie," He said in a defeated tone. She opened the door and walked to him, Erin's eyes fixated on her. Jamie wrapped his arm around her letting out a big sigh before pulling her in a little closer and giving her arm a light squeeze.

"How long," Erin finally pushed out the words.

"Five months," Eddie responded.

"Oh My God," Erin said with excitement before turning a little on her response to the news, "Oh my god, this is crazy."

"Erin you cannot tell anyone!"

"Jamie, I mean what if Dad finds out!"

"He won't," Jamie raised his voice in a demanding tone. Erin looked at him and smiled and outstretched her arms and wrapped the two in an embrace."

"I don't want to tell you I told you so but I told you so." She said as she let them go and stepping back.

"Okay so you promise this gets to no one, I know how you talk to Linda!"

"Oh man, I mean I will be dying inside but I promise. I am so happy right now!" She picked up her purse and looked at them again, "Well get back to your date night and don't worry my lips are sealed!" As soon the door closed behind her both Jamie and Eddie fell on the couch.

"That was a little scary," Eddie gave a nervous laugh.

"But a little relieving, I mean someone knows and the world didn't end."

"True and I mean Erin has to be good at keeping a secret."

"Let's hope."

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**They were all squished into the small waiting room, not just the family but also Garrett, Baker and a few officers that had come off shift and straight to the hospital to get an update on their fellow officer. Since the family had arrived Erin had gone straight to her daughter who had come with the Commissioner leaving Eddie along until Kara Walsh arrived and seated herself next to her friend. It had been about three hours and still nothing, everyone who said, "No news is Good News" obviously did not know how horrible it was to see your lover be shot in front of you only to barely make it before the paramedics arrived. She knew that Jamie and her working together was going to be a hard task but she did not think that this would happen. She could not sit there in the room with her boss and her boyfriend's family, she needed air, she jumped up and walked out of the room in a rush.**

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"Eddie wait," She had run out of the precinct in a huff as soon as she had finished there long conversation with Renzulli and two detectives from the 32nd. She was a little livid with Jamie right now and she knew that she could not show it in the room with the others so as soon as they finished the conversation she shook said her goodbyes and excused herself. How he could be so stupid, he was agreeing to an undercover operation that was not only poorly planned but also dangerous, more dangerous than her U/C in the sex trade. He grabbed her shoulder as she rounded the corner of the police station and turned her to face him.

"Eddie come on you know that this is just temporarily."

"That's not why I am saying this is bad Jamie and you know why!"

"Eddie, I know the risks and I want to do this."

"Jamie you do realize that Detective Carver said they have lost two under covers right; I mean that should be your indicator there."

"But these men are killing kid, you heard them they think that I could be good in this operation."

"So you are going in basically blind," She let out and annoyed laugh, crossing her arms in anger.

"I mean there is some time to prep for this Eddie."

"I'm sorry I thought I was talking to the man who told me that he wouldn't recommend going in with only a week of preparation."

"Eddie…"

"No Jamie don't you know what I am saying and you know I'm right this is stupid I'm sure if you talked to anyone in your family they would tell you that this was a bad idea!"

"Eddie the Gordinos are selling drugs to these kids and so far at least twelve middle school children are dead, we need to stop this."

"So because you worked a U/C three years ago you feel like we could go in there and do what other officers couldn't do."

"I just want to stop these monsters and who is to say that we can't?"

"Jamie they are going to throw you into the deep in with nothing and I am going to be behind the curtains having nothing but audio to know that you are alive!"

"But you'll be there and that's all I need to know is that you are there to watch my back, Eddie we have to do this." She looked into his eyes, she knew there was no stopping him, no staying his mind.

"Fine," She finally caved, and that was her first mistake.

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I was listening to Panic Cord by Gabrielle Aplin when I wrote this but really the song didn't match the chapter I just like the song… :p

"


	7. I wont let you go

Jamie had just entered the room, she could hear his steady breathing as he prepared himself for the meet up, this was a last resort for the police force, two other under covers had gone missing and eventually turned up in the Hudson River. For some reason they thought that maybe Jamie would be different and could make it out so here she sat with the two officer's her stomach churning as she hoped that this went over smooth. It was a quick in quick out task, all he had to do was have at least one member with him and about to sell and then it would be over but in her head she knew that there were a million ways this could go wrong.

"Jim Felton, I have heard a lot about you," The man who was identified as Derek Sanchez spoke up, he was the ringleader and she knew that he was the deadliest.

"As have I, back at Rikers, Marcus Gordinos had a lot to say about this gang."

"Yeah Marcus was a great guy, he was one we trusted."

"If I wasn't let out early Lawrence Leeward would have gotten what was coming to him." The toughness in Jamie's voice was something she heard in his voice but the tone was different when he talked to a perp as a cop.

"Yeah well our guys took care of him, you should know we don't take no shit and I can smell a cop a mile away." Eddie's heart beat even faster was that a hint that he knew.

"Can you smell one now?" it was silent for a moment as she waited for a response.

"I like you Felton, I think that you could work out," A sound that could be distinguished as a loud pat on the back let Eddie and the two detectives know that Jamie was okay.

"I hope I can fit up to the expectations that Sander set."

"We will see, I'm going to have you go with Husky, my best guy on the job, no one more loyal, over to the elementary school on 45th, let's see what you're made of."

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** "Eddie," The voice came from behind her and Eddie could place it without hesitation, it was Linda Reagan Danny's wife. It was not that she didn't want to talk to Linda, it was that she knew she wouldn't be able to keep it together but she turned around anyway and kept her strength.**

**"Did you hear anything?" **

**"No not yet I just thought I'd check on you, how are you doing?" **

**"Fine," She lied.**

**"Come on Eddie, I know about you and Jamie," it was obvious that Linda read her like a book; the face was a huge indicator of shock and a little fear. **

**"Erin told you?"**

**"Oh no, come on I spend my whole Sundays with Jamie and if it wasn't the talking about his partnership with you it's the look in his eye when he talked about you." **

**"So you and Erin know."**

**"Well Erin, me, Danny, Nicki maybe Frank and Henry," She listed as she looked at Jamie with a smile.**

**"He wanted to keep t a secret," Eddie collapsed in a bench outside covering her face with her hands as fresh tears surfaced. She felt the presents of Linda sit beside her then a hand on her back rubbing small circles like her mom used to do when she was younger.**

**"I know this is hard but you have to believe that he will be alright. That undercover OP went fine; he would have done it regardless of what anyone would have said."**

**"I know he has that stubborn Reagan gene in him."**

**"I know god I can see it in Jack now that he's a teenager I'm hoping Sean will miss out," this got a chuckle out of both of them but only for a moment when they were brought back to the grim situation at hand. **

**"I can't help but think this is my fault ," a severely concerned look crossed Linda's face.**

**"Eddie don't say that, no one could have seen this coming, it was a random thing."**

**"It wasn't random, Jason DiFonzio was part of the gang and he escaped he was the one that did this." She could see that her outburst had its effect; she did not mean to yell it had been such a horrible moment in her life filled with dread and fear. "I'm sorry Linda, that was rude I know you are just as worried as I am, I just don't understand, I was right there I should have been able to protect him."**

**"Jason was on a suicide mission, all his friends were taken out, he was pissed and out for blood, it wasn't just Jamie." Eddie had heard that before Jamie officer Carver and Samuels had been gunned down on their way back to the station. **

**"I just need him to be okay, I don't know if I could live if he wasn't."**

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Eddie had gotten off shift and hour ago but she was still at the station, Jamie had been undercover for three days now and the suspense was killing her. Today though the report that the Gordinos had been taken down was out and Eddie wanted nothing more than to see Jamie walk into the station. A few officers sat in the break room with her though she spoke to no one. She looked at the clock it was 415 and Jamie was still MIA she worried that maybe he had already headed home but then again she did text him.

"Eddie," She smiled before even setting eyes on him.

"Hey there partner, how was it being a big wig and taking down the drug gang?" She grinned as he just shook his head knowing she was teasing him.

"Great and now I get to come back to a smart ass partner," She gave him a playful glare as they walked out of the police station.

"Okay so it's Friday and I'm starving!"

"You are always starving!"

" Oh you are just full of pins rabbit, not everyone can live off salads." She shot him a look as she shivered in the cold air.

"Do you want my jacket?"

"And what draw attention to you and I, it's a secret remember." She grinned as she turned back to towards the precinct looking back and caught his glowing gaze. In that moment she should have just turned around, they were getting in a car anyway but instead she walked back across the street and back up the precinct steps and then her world shattered, she heard his name yelled with a gunshot to follow. It was the catalyst of a gun fight soon ending with a dead man and Eddie's heart to drop.

"Jamie," She jumped up from her spot on the steps scanning the swarm of officers finally finding a small group crowding around someone, she felt the shock leave her body and her legs shakily guided her before she was able to sprint to where he once stood. "JAMIE!" She pushed past a few of her fellow officers finding Kara Walsh pressing down on Jamie's chest; the crimson blood flowed through her fingers as she told him to stay with her. Eddie fell to her knees and grabbed his outstretched hand.

"Come on Reagan, stay with me," She heard Kara yell but his eyes were fixated on Eddie, pleading and filled with fear but he tried to mask them with a brave face. His eyes told her that it would be okay but the pain that seized his body told her otherwise.

"Come on Jamie, you're going to be okay, think about your family," She added in giving his hand a squeeze. She wished that that last comment would keep him pushing like in every movie ever but the blood loss took over and soon the hazel eyes fluttered close just as the sirens from an ambulance grew closer.

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**So the story lead her here walking through the hospital back to the waiting room, She looked at Linda who held a tired look on her face as if she had been up for three days and worn ragged. She knew that having a family full of police officers had to be a hard thing and this was always a possibility and she could see that this really weighed on them; lord knew it was doing the same to her. Linda looked over and gave a weak smile, putting on a brave face was a trying task but she was still able to try. They finally reached the room with slight hesitation to go back in, waiting was nothing to be desired but that's all they had, and it was better than the alternative.**

**"One question Eddie before we go back inside," Linda said pulling her hand away from the handle turning to Eddie who nodded.**

**"Eddie how long is you in," Eddie's face reddened. "I'm a nurse Eddie, I can tell, plus you forget I have been there too."**

**"Four weeks," The tears began to well up in her eyes.**

**"Does he know?"**

**"No, I was going to tell him tonight, I can't do this on my own, I need him."**

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Hello all so sorry this took so long i have been going through some stuff but i wanted to update. please review id love to see your thoughts

Love always Layna

PS the song I wont let go is by James Morrison


	8. Right By Your Side

**"Does anyone want anything from the vending machine?" Erin jumped up so quickly and spoke so sharp and loudly it caused the rest of the room to jump. Eddie could tell the wait was getting to be too much and this was Erin's breaking point, sitting in silence this long was driving her nuts. "You know what I'm just going to get a few bottles of water."**

**"I'll help you," Eddie volunteered, standing up and following Erin out the door. She had to walk quickly to keep up with Erin's long strides to the machines, which were at the end of the long hallway. Erin jammed a few coins into the machine with excessive force. **

**"When Joe died it was the worst thing in the world," it was so unexpected that it caught Eddie off guard leaving her without anything to say but it was okay because Erin continued. "I mean Jamie knew he was there, I called him, and I had to tell him that night at the hospital. We had just lost mom like two years earlier and then Joe and it crushed us all, especially Jamie; he was the closest with Joe. So imagine my surprise when he announced he wanted to be a cop." Eddie was silent as Erin continued on getting water bottles. "I remember the second night after Joe died, Danny and Linda had gone home, Nicki was asleep and Dad and Grandpa were in the kitchen and I was with Jamie in the front room. I had cried for two days straight, I was just so drained and I wanted nothing more than just to scream I was so mad and I think it was only because Jamie was with me that I was calm. He held my hand and hugged me, kept telling me he missed him too. I told him that I was terrified of Danny and he told me that the whole cop job scared him too."**

**"He told me that something changed after Joe's death." She finally spoke, she could see Erin was hurting but she really did not know her that great and did not know how to comfort her. **

**"Imagine my surprise after Joe's funeral about a week when Jamie made the announcement."**

**"He told me the family rejected the idea, and you were all mad at him for about a week."**

**"Oh yeah, I was furious, here we were a week after that talk and he was telling me he wanted to do the thing that terrified him. I promised my mom id look out for him and look how great of a job I did!" **

**"This isn't your fault Erin, him being a police officer, this is what he wanted and he would have never given in, he is stubborn." Erin fell into a chair at a nearby table and exploded into tears. Eddie sat by her and took her hand. "I love him Erin, I know you are hurting and I cannot imagine the extent but you have a family by your side and Jamie who like I said is stubborn and will battle through it." She helped Erin up and grabbed all the water that Erin had bought which was more than she expected. "Let's get back to the waiting room."**

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Eddie was so afraid she was not up to par for this job, she had just let go of the biggest collar of her life when she was unable to take down the criminal by herself. If it weren't for Jamie who had just rounded the corner she probably would have been the next on his victim list if Jamie hadn't taken a metal pipe and hit him over the head. The man, Jason Handleson had murdered three people at a bar on 45th and a massive manhunt had been underway. Eddie had just happened to see him when he was walking by a newsstand and instantly her and Jamie had started on foot.

Aside a few bruises and a minor cut she was fine but after they finished the paperwork, she had booked out of the precinct and straight to the closest bar. She was just into her second drink when he tapped her shoulder, she knew it was Jamie but she was not into having a huge lecture.

"Not now," She growled taking another swig of wine.

"Come on Janko it happens to the best of us." He sat next to her and waved to the bartender for a drink.

"I mean I let this creep attack me, I should have been able to take this son of a bitch down."

"Let me tell you a little story."

"Oh god is it a Reagan Family story or a Jamie Story?"

"Ha-ha very funny it's a me story." He ordered his drink and took a swig giving her one of his charming smiles. "One time when I was partnered with Renzulli we had perp, Santiago Treves and Renzulli and I were chasing this man for about ten blocks, and let me tell you when Sarge was in the same shape he was in now." He paused when he got the smallest laugh from Eddie. "Anyway we were chasing this guy and I had lost Sarge so far back that I couldn't even see him. So I cornered Treves in an alley and as soon as I ran he tripped me and my gun went flying, he got in a few swings and I was down, it went on for about three minutes of fighting and finally the man was Tazed by Sarge who was so out of breath he was about to keel over." Eddie let out a small laugh; a smile emerged on her face.

"There it is, that smile, we have all been there done that and I promise you, you belong on the force Eddie, trust me if you didn't I'd have switched partners already."

"I am pretty amazing," She looked him in the eyes and flashed a grin. Jamie rolled his eyes but he smiled back and stood up from his stool.

"Come on, let's play darts, loser buys the next round.

"The next two rounds," She pushed herself up and followed him.

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**She was so lost in her thoughts about him, there were too many memorable ones and that was all she had now. It had now been three hours and twenty minutes and what felt like forever. She looked around the room and it all was the same, Most of the officers that had come to wait from the precinct had wondered to the vending machines, all but Renzulli and Walsh who sat by her. She felt everything inside her screaming, she wanted to let it out because she was so frustrated with herself for not being there when he was shot. **

** The door swung open and Linda entered with a doctor, and that was when Eddie's heartbeat quickened because the face of the doctor was so grim she thought there was nothing but bad news to come. She stood up just like everyone, she stood in the background with Walsh and Renzulli as the doctor stepped up to the Reagan clan. She felt Kara grab hold of her hand and give it a tight squeeze, it was the only part of her that felt anything, she was so numb with fear that even her brain stopped functioning. **

**"Are you okay to talk here?" The Doctor asked the family, she watched as Frank looked over his shoulder to Walsh, Renzulli and her and then turn to the young man and nod. **

**"Okay, When Jamie got here he was in bad condition and we lost him three times, we tried everything to stabilize him but…"**

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DON'T HATE ME! I haven't been able to update for a while, I have just been so busy and now a cliff hanger but I love you all (hoping you don't kill me) but please review I love the comments ~Love Layna


	9. Hallelujah Epilogue

She looked down at that little boy and all the pain and hurt left her as they stood in the cemetery. Today was a horrible anniversary but she was able to get through it when she saw his face, he was amazing and a spitting image of his father except his nose that was all her. She held his hand and gave him a small squeeze, in his five years she loved how he seemed to be so smart and mature of most kids his age. She looked at the Reagan Family and read felt the pain creep up inside her, she obviously didn't have they bond that they had with him but she grew to love him and they he was taken away and it had hit them all so very hard. She looked at Erin who held on to her father, snuggled up to him like a little girl would when they needed to feel that sense of security. Nicki, who stood next to her cousins, had come home the night before to be here with the family, the boys towered over her and she had her arm linked through Jack's arm. Danny and Linda stood near her and she could see the tears in Linda's eyes though she tried to hide them, Danny was not crying but his face was stoic with a hint of sadness.

"Mama," she felt the tug at her shirt as Vincent looked up at her with those baby blue eyes. She crouched down as he whispered into her ear, she nodded and handed him a tissue and watched as he walked over to his Aunt Linda and hand her the crumpled tissue, Linda smiled and wrapped her arms around Vinny and kissed his cheek. Eddie stood up and smiled at Linda before standing beside Jamie and wrapping her arms around his waist.

"You doing okay," She asked as he stood staring at the gravestones, four Reagan laid to rest here all of their passing harder than the last.

"Yeah," He gave her a small smile and kissed her on the top of her head. She watched as Erin laid flowers in her grandfather's grave, a whole year it seemed impossible and yet here they stood. He had gone last spring and it wasn't in pain, he had passed in his sleep; Jamie had said after the first three hours of him being gone that he was in heaven dancing with Betty like they use to do when she was alive, and chatting with his mom like they did every Sunday. It had been hard on them all and she had been hit too, she remembered when Jamie had been in the hospital and she was not sure he was going to be okay Henry had been with her telling her little jokes and poking fun making her laugh and telling her how tough Jamie was. He also was their when Jamie woke up and he had called her right away because he knew about them. When they had revealed to the rest of the family that she was pregnant, he stood up and wrapped her in a joyful embrace.

"Hope he is raising hell with Joe up there." Danny sliced through the silence.

"Oh yeah, telling everyone all the cop stories, I'm sure grandma is thrilled." Erin laughed as the thought ran through her head.

"That woman will keep him in line; she always has even from up there." The family laughed and it was the first time in days because they upcoming day had put them in a melancholy mood.

"You know he wouldn't want us wallowing here, he would yell at us," Jamie stated.

"I could hear that, "I'm gone there is nothing you can do just go eat or something."" Linda laughed through tears.

"So why aren't we eating then, I'm starving and I can tell you were he would want us to be," Nicki said.

"Samfords," Jack answered.

"Right, a nice duck and potatoes," Sean added in his great grandfather's favorite dish.

"Well then let's go," Eddie, said scooping up her son.

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That night she watched as Jamie put their son to bed and she could not believe how blessed she was honestly she saw it every night. She would count her blessings every night after Vinny's bedtime story, after she kissed that sleeping boy's cheek; she would feel blessed every time Jamie walked over kissed the top of Vinny's head and covered him with the blanket. She would linger with her husband in the doorway just to catch the final glimpse of Vinny sleeping soundly and being proud of him. It was days like today were she knew how very lucky she was; a wonderful life she had with a loving husband and a wonderful job, a perfect little boy and a little girl on the way.

Jamie sighed happily, kissed her cheek, and rubbed her baby bump before retreating to their bedroom. She looked one more time at her son before quietly closing the door and turning towards her room. She entered the room to see Jamie undressing and the scars though faded they were defined.

_**Five years ago she was given the news he was alive, in a waiting room with the people she now called family. That was the biggest relief but it was shattered when she was told how bad of a condition he was in and that he was so unstable they were unsure he would make it through the night. She remembered her feeling exactly, it as if the air had left her lungs and she felt any stomach content begin to rebel against her. She thought about how the baby growing inside her might grow up not knowing this wonderful man, this man she loved and that terrified her. She had zoned out for a while but what she did remember was Linda coming up to her and hugging her, whispering to her that is was going to be okay even though it might not be. Eddie relived that very often, especially on days like this. **_

_** She would remember how Danny had found her and told her that she should see him, he knew about her and Jamie but not about the baby and everything in her wanted to tell him but it was not the time or place. She remembered walking into the room, it was well light and the smell of alcohol wipes filled the air, the sound of Jamie's heart monitor broke the silence and then there was Jamie himself. It was not as she expected, she expected him to be covered in wires and tubes but there were less then she thought, it did not make it any less frightening. He had a tube down his throat, and IV in his hand and a pulsox reader on his finger. He was pale just as she imagined he would be after losing all that blood but it was being pumped back into him pint by pint. The thin rubber tubing ran red with the color of blood and against his skin it made the pigment of his skin almost porcelain colored. She had been so afraid to even touch him but as she settled down into the chair she got hold of his hand, it was freezing and so lifeless but her fingers found their way to his wrist and she felt his pulse telling her just what the monitor read.**_

_**It had been the most terrifying moment of her life but she soldiered on and she would visit him after tour. She would find times when the rest of the family was not there so she was not in the way. She would talk to him about everything at the precinct, how everyone was waiting for him to heal, how she was partnered with Walsh and loved the driving privileges. She would tell him that he was missing Sarge yelling at the recruits like he had with her and most of all she would tell him that he needed to wake up because she could not do it alone. She could not raise this baby alone, not without the love of her life and every time she left, she would kiss him on the cheek and tell him that she loved him. **_

"What are you thinking about," He smiled at her as he crawled into bed. She had drifted off in her thoughts but he brought her back, his voice anchored her in reality and out of the horrible memories of him in the hospital, hanging on to life.

"Nothing," She lied as she flashed him a smile. She climbed into bed and snuggled into him, wrapping her arms around his stomach.

"I'm a detective now Eddie you do know I know when you're lying." She just smirked at his comment and nodded.

"I'm just thinking about you, and how much I love you," She looked up at him, into his blue eyes that melted her soul.

"I love you too." He turned over and clicked off the light and kissed her on the forehead, she felt him adjust himself in the bed, letting her rest her head on his chest, and as they both slowly drifted to sleep she listened to his heartbeat reminding her that this was real and she was truly blessed. It wasn't intentional, she never meant to fall in love with her partner but she did, and she had loved him every day since and would continue to love him forever.

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That is the story, I really hope you like the ending. I had been planning it since the beginning but I was a little afraid of how you all would like it, I know it cuts out Jamie's recovery and a lot of other things but I am am not good at recovery stories and I find myself struggling to transition to the next part. I would like the thank all of the readers, your support has been amazing and all your comments have made me so incredibly happy. Please leave me more, I hope to hear from you in my next blue bloods story, it will be Erin centric but I'm not sure when it will be posted. Thank you all so much again, Much love ~Layna


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